June 2008, cont.

June 2008, cont.

“I need to think about it.”
He rose, “I figured.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be waiting to hear from you. I love you, and I’m not going to stop you from being friends with Sidney Crosby. I know he’s your friend. I understand you need him now.”
I sat there for a while. He was sincere. That I didn’t doubt: he meant what he said. But did I want to believe that he was really different?

I wasn’t sure. I left the park and drove home in a daze. I went out to dinner with the family and went to my room. I sat cross-legged on my bed all night, thinking in the simplest terms. I had loved Dan, despite the fact that my family and Sidney didn’t. But Dan had hurt me so badly. He believed I cheated on him, and didn’t even give me a chance to explain. Was that how little he trusted me? How much did I trust him? Although my friends think I had turned a blind eye, I had noticed Danny flirting with other, younger girls. Whenever I questioned him, he would drop a kiss on my cheek and casually tell me, “They mean nothing, while you are everything. You have nothing to worry about, babe.” And Sidney….how did Sidney fit into this? Was Amy right? Could there be a relationship with him? I’d never thought about it, honestly. We got along tremendously, that much I knew. I shook my head. This was weird thinking about Sid in that light. I was going to see him tomorrow; he was leaving for the summer in Cole Harbour the day after tomorrow.
Six hours later, I still didn’t know what I was going to do. I met my best friends, Erica and Lindsay, for lunch at Shep’s. Lindsay’s advice was, “He seems so sincere and sweet. I liked him, Anna, and you fell hard for him. Give him a second chance,” while Erica blurted out, “You were different with him. What does Sidney think?”

What does Sidney think? My head started spinning. After all of last night, I’d come to the conclusion that I didn’t want another relationship to fall apart, like mine with Danny had. I couldn’t handle another broken relationship. Sidney and I were friends. But I did care about what he thought. I’d ask him for advice on Danny, just like I did with Erica and Lindsay.

I called Sidney and we agreed to meet at his place. It was the last time I would see him for a while. I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to get out and visit.

“Hey,” I said when I walked into his room, where his bags were packed. He was lying on his bed. I lay down next to him, putting a hand on his rock-hard abs. Facing him, I asked “How are you?”
He answered, “I’m fine, I’m sleeping now.”
“Oh, good. Dreaming about the game?”
He snickered, “You know me too well, Pete.” A shortening for Pita.
“It’s better than no sleep, Ames.”
He rolled over and looked at me, “It’s just brutal.”
“I know,” I said softly. I knew how much he was hurting over the loss.

We sat in silence for a while, thinking, before I spoke.
“Danny called.”
“Did you tell him to fuck off?”
“Not exactly.”
“Why not! Pete, he’s a douchebag. Don’t give him any more time than you already have. He’s not deserving.”
“He’s different, Sid.”
“No he’s not! They never are! Isn’t that what you always tell your friends?”
“Yeah…”
“So follow your own fucking advice. Don’t be a hypocrite.”
“Sid, he was so remorseful. He’s so different. He’s calm now.”
“So you’re going back to him? I can’t fucking believe this.”
“I love him!!!!!!”
“He broke your heart!!!!” Sid yelled, jumping off the bed and stomping away from me, “He was just spewing shit to get you back, Anna. He’s the same old dick we all knew and hated. He didn’t change.”
“That’s not fair. You hardly knew him. Sid, everyone deserves a second chance.”
“Yeah? Well when’s my chance, Anna? When?” He yelled.

What did he just say? I heard the gears shifting as everything in our relationship changed dramatically right at that precise moment.
“What?” I whispered.
Sid shoved his hand through his hair. He looked away, and then looked back at me. He started to speak, and then stopped himself. There was a moment of silence, and then he shook his head and then started back up, “I just fought the battle of my life and lost the Stanley Cup a week ago, I’ll be damned if I lose you too without putting up it all out there.” He then walked a step closer to me.
“Anna, I love you. The day you creeped me out at that party was the brightest day of my life, and I’ve been completely yours ever since. I believe ever since I sat next to you, my heart has been connected to yours, crawling along behind it at times, just waiting for you to notice. We’ve been through everything together, I’ve learned so much from you, with you, and there’s so much more out there. So much more I want to do with you. There’s so much world out there, and it can be ours, Anna I want to discover it with you. I want to be with you forever and beyond, on this crazy journey. But you go and be with all those guys, who just have no clue what a treasure they have. They break your heart, and I’m the one there to pick up the pieces. Anna, I would never break your heart. I would guard it with my life because after all this waiting, I realize how amazing you really are and how lucky I would be to have you.” He paused, his eyes were filled with tears now, and then turned, “But you won’t even give me a chance!!!!!!” he yelled. The frustration was so evident in his voice.

I didn’t know what to say, I just stared at him, tears falling down his my face.
“Sid…”
“No. You want to go back to him, go. But I just, I can’t do this anymore, Anna. I can’t only be your friend. It’s been torture the past few months. Every girl lately just falls by the wayside, because oh, her smile’s not as bright as Anna’s, she’s not as caring as Anna is, Anna would have done this, said that, known what I was going to order, known that I needed my space. You know me and that I can be a cocky son of a bitch and a little puss who needs a good hug sometimes. I know you and that can you be a total stubborn idiot who refuses to ask for help and a huge pain in my ass. But I love you for it. I love you for all that you are, and all that I don’t know you are yet. So, to spare myself anymore pain, I’m saying goodbye.”